THE TIMES’ RANKINGS BY CHRIS DUFRESNE: 1-25
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NO. TEAM (RECORD): COMMENT
1. North Carolina (6-0): Strange man known only as “Dean” seen pushing broom around football offices.
2. Penn State (5-0): Curtis Enis introduces own line of Nittany Lion crying towels.
3. Nebraska (5-0): Can Cornhuskers get through whole season with no arrests?
4. Florida State (5-0): Get your tickets now for Bobby Bowden vs. son Terry in the Orange Bowl.
5. Michigan (5-0): Rank master says it’s about time the Wolverines lose a game they shouldn’t.
6. Ohio State (5-1): Germaine starts for 10 NFL teams; but not in Columbus?
7. Auburn (6-0): If T. Bowden goes 8-4 again, they’ll kindly show him the door.
8. Louisiana State (5-1): Spurrier’s smirk located behind Tiger cage; Fed-Exed back to Gainesville.
9. Florida (5-1): Real reason Spurrier suspended quarterback Doug Johnson: He lost.
10. Michigan State (5-0): So good, tailback Sedrick Irvin wants to play cousin Michael’s team.
11. Notre Dame (the Theismann years): QB changes pronunciation of name to rhyme with Heisman.
12. Washington State (5-0): NCAA investigates QB’s involvement in “Ryan Leaf Blowers” Landscaping Inc.
13. Washington (4-1): Thanks for the gag, Stanford, we’ll take it from here.
14. Tennessee (4-1): The Florida loss is called a reprieve, Vols; don’t blow it.
15. UCLA (4-2): Cade McNown and his team of renown.
16. Iowa (4-1): Used off week to work on top-secret “Silo” play for Michigan game.
17. Texas A&M; (5-0): Can’t wait for Nov. 1 showdown with Oklahoma State. OK, I can wait.
18. Air Force (7-0): Bummer for Air Force if Blane Morgan has a bum shoulder.
19. Oklahoma State (6-0): A nice place to play, but you wouldn’t want to live there.
20. Georgia (4-1): QB Mike Bobo made too many boo-boos to beat Tennessee.
21. Stanford (4-2): Banned from Irish games for bawdy behavior, school band books gig at Altamont.
22. Virginia Tech (5-1): The last, best hope for Big East football.
23. Marshall (5-1): Randy Moss’ agent demands trade to Penn State.
24. Toledo (5-0): Jamie Farr requests Rockets change name to Mudhens.
25. Wisconsin (6-1): OK, that Syracuse loss is forgiven, you can come out now.
