LAUGH LINES

Playing on Strength: “Rush Limbaugh wants to join ABC’s ‘Monday Night Football.’ After studying the Clinton administration for seven years, there’s no question that he’s qualified. You can’t cover the NFL without a background in criminal law.” (Argus Hamilton)

Wearing It Out: “A study shows the ozone layer is shrinking 4% per year. The ozone layer is like an old pair of jeans--shrunken, faded blue, and with a hole that keeps getting bigger.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Companion Fares: “According to a poll of travelers published in USA Today, 58% of those surveyed listed spouses as their traveling companions of choice. Unfortunately, the respondents didn’t specify whether it was their spouse or someone else’s.” (Ira Lawson)

Playing Musical Mob: “Mick Jagger and director Martin Scorsese are teaming up to work on a film. I hear it’s about a pop star who leads a mob. In fact, I think they’re going to call it ‘The Grandfather.’ ” (Andrew Wisot)

Heads or Tails?: “A mistrial was declared in a Kentucky murder case after a jury decided the defendant’s fate with a coin toss. That’s no more ludicrous than the [O.J.] Simpson jury. At least a coin toss had a 50% chance of getting it right.” (Daily Scoop)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.