CHRIS DUFRESNE’S TOP 25

1. Texas (0-0) Gore or Bush? Paper or plastic? Simms or Applewhite?

2. Nebraska (1-0) Team switches to South Bend-but-don’t-break defense.

3. Florida State (1-0) Shoot, dad-gum, golly geez, another player arrested?

4. Michigan (1-0) Team chef has 25 ways to cook Rice.

5. Wisconsin (1-0) Oregon bringing truckload of sneakers from Niketown.

6. Georgia (1-0) Just their luck: ‘Dawgs face red-hot South Carolina.

7. Miami (1-0) Players take Panama Canal shortcut on Carnival Cruise to Seattle.

8. Virginia Tech (1-0) Rankman thought Michael Vick showed a lot of zip against Akron.

9. UCLA (1-0) School says California state troopers will escort Toledo to Alabama next year.

10. USC (1-0) Trojans try to shake off worst bye week in school history.

11. Florida (1-0) Gators booed off field by fans and the coach.

12. Kansas State (2-0) Plan to follow the bouncing Ball State players this weekend.

13. Tennessee (1-0) Fulmer makes the A.J. Foyt-fast switch to quarterback A.J. Suggs.

14. Clemson (1-0) Coach may break off with daddy to form own two-school conference.

15. Ohio State (1-0) Win over Fresno State gives Buckeyes raisin d’etre.

16. Oklahoma (1-0) Sooners did the ‘ol Texas two-step on Texas El Paso.

17. Alabama (0-1) One more loss and DuBose’s morals become an issue again.

18. Washington (1-0) Miami defense needed flash-card drills to spell Tuiasosopo.

19. Purdue (1-0) Gratuitous TD passes vs. Central Michigan don’t pass Heisman muster, mister.

20. Notre Dame (1-0) Irish denied catastrophic game insurance by Mutual of Omaha.

21. Mississippi (1-0) Greets Auburn at the border with the Rebel yell.

22. Texas Christian (0-0) Team heads to Nevada with its own Comstock lode--TB LaDainian Tomlinson.

23. Illinois (1-0) In made-for-TV stunt, Ron Turner coaches Redskins this week; brother Norv takes over Illini.

24. Oregon (1-0) Booster Phil Knight mesmerizes Wisconsin players with tall “Air Jordan” shoe stories.

25. Colorado State (1-0) Seeking schedule upgrade, school drops Colorado.