LAUGH LINES

The Wedding Business: “So many people traveled to the tiny town in Scotland where Madonna got married that the mayor says they expected to make over $2 million in tourist revenues. In fact, the wedding [made] so much money for the town, they’ve asked Madonna to have her next several weddings there also.” (Conan O’Brien)

Plans in the Works: “President Clinton is still working out what he’s going to do when he leaves office. . . . Bill and Hillary have bought a house in Washington. As you know, they spent eight years trying to sell the White House.” (Daily Scoop)

Money Woes: “President Clinton has announced that the federal surplus for the 2001 fiscal year will be larger than anticipated by some $17 billion. . . . That should buy us a little more time before George W. Bush wrecks the economy.” (Ira Lawson)

Profitable Vows: “Madonna’s wedding reportedly cost $3 million. . . . Madonna’s movies don’t even make $3 million!” (Andrew Wisot)

Rising Costs: “The 1-cent postage stamp increase [has] many people complaining. They don’t seem to understand that it is very expensive for the post office to repair all those bullet holes!” (Morty Wright)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.